The first step to intimacy with a woman involves building attraction and often some form of touching needs to happen to stimulate that.
Sure, a guy can build attraction with his physical looks and swagger and general charisma and personality, but at some point that is not going to be enough. At some point, a guy just has to touch a girl.
Surprisingly many men have a problem with this.
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They either are terrified to do so or they do it blithely without thinking about it and whether they are doing it in a way that builds or hinders attraction.
Like many areas of dating, this is an area where a little bit of information and knowledge can go a very long way.
There is a type of touch called Kino. This is the most frequently talked about touch in the dating arena. It basically specifies a way to touch a girl to build both comfort and attraction. These are two necessary cornerstones that lead to intimacy or a deeper relationship. In one way, you could say that Kino makes a girl comfortable with a guy touching her.
In addition, Kino usually spells out how, where and when to touch a girl.
A bit of knowledge of Kino will stop a clueless guy from grabbing a girl the wrong way – the first time he touches her body. Don’t laugh. It happens.
Kino is also a process of escalation. The way and frequency and firmness of touch starts lightly and simply and then builds.
So, the first step in Kino might be as simple as shaking hands for hello. Or a light hug. Or even a very, very brief and whisper soft kiss on the cheek.
Here is a tip I learned from my friend Christian Hudson: When you touch a girl for the first time, use a light touch on her back while passing her in a crowded room or if you are maneuvering the two of you through a crowd or crossing a street or entering a doorway. It is natural, non-threatening and effective.
For some people that first touch is almost insurmountable because they have placed so much pressure on themselves in their own mind. In that case, it might be better to shoot for the most neutral, nonsexual touch there is, such as a High Five. Or bumping fists.
For braver men, more comfortable with touching, a light grabbing of the fingers is nice. The man can causally, even in a goofy way, walk his fingers over to her hand if her hand is resting on a surface and then tickle her or play with her hand for a few minutes.
The masters at touching women, who have zero fear, will even lightly rub a finger on the woman’s palm for a few seconds.
One reason touching a woman can be so intimidating to so many men is that men in general are not super comfortable with touching another person. At least American men. It’s a little bit societal. For instance, most French men will kiss their male friends on each cheek and still ooze machismo.
But for most men, it would be helpful to learn how and when and where to touch a woman. With a little bit of information, a guy who knows about kino will be ahead of the game.